Skitz-O-Phonics

Radio station KPXLRD - "Street Cred"

August 04, 2021 eArL (E.J.) Hamilton Season 1 Episode 1
Skitz-O-Phonics
Radio station KPXLRD - "Street Cred"
Show Notes Transcript

Radio host Randle J. Jones interviews bike activist who wants more road rights.
(Voice Talents:  Doc Fitz.  Stefon Harris.)

Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/9F3fXjY)

 FADE IN:

INT. RADIO STUDIO - DAY

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

RADIO PERSON

Hello, and welcome to the Randell J. Jones show, I'm Randell J. Jones. Today we have a guest on the phone with us, local bike activist and the author of the newly released book "Street Cred," let's welcome Daniel Humphreys. 

FADE OUT THEME MUSIC

RADIO PERSON

Hello Daniel are you there?

This entire interview takes place over the phone.

DANIEL (V.O.)

Yes and good morning Randell, thanks for inviting me on your show.

RADIO PERSON

Well you've been calling our station five times a day for the last three months you didn't give us much choice.

DANIEL

That just proves that persistence pays off, right?

RADIO PERSON

I would have to agree with you on that. So Daniel, you have some gripes you'd like to bring to the forefront is that right?

DANIEL

Serious issues is a more appropriate word. I'm here to say that bikers deserve, no, we've earned the right to fair treatment on our California roads. I've been a bike rider for over fifteen years now and I can honestly say from personal experiences that we're treated like second rate citizens. We're bullied and spat upon by rude and obnoxious motorist who are a danger to everyone on the road and frankly it's gotta stop.

RADIO PERSON

I agree with that to some extent but I also must say that sometimes it's the bicyclist who are at fault.

DANIEL

The bicyclist? Really?

RADIO PERSON

Believe me, I'm not an anti-cyclist by any stretch of the imagination but lets be honest, you guys don't exactly abide by the same rules as regular motorist.

DANIEL

Yes we do, in fact we are the safest people out there--

RADIO PERSON

Daniel, every day I see bikes running stop signs, running stop lights, weaving in and out of lanes, cutting cars off--

DANIEL

Okay I'm not sure where you got your data from but this bashing has got to stop at some point. 

RADIO PERSON

I witness this myself on a daily bases so how am I bashing? Please explain.

DANIEL

Randell, if I have to explain something is terribly wrong in America.

RADIO PERSON

I'm just trying to get a grasp on what if anything needs to be changed, rules, privileges or laws. 

DANIEL

Okay.

(deep breath)

I was clipped on my way to work this morning, Randell.

RADIO PERSON

Clipped?

DANIEL

Yes, clipped, side-swiped, hit by one of your motorized cars. 

RADIO PERSON

I'm sorry to hear that. I take it you're okay.

DANIEL

Not really, my doctor said I may have a contusion, a concussion or possibly brain damage.

RADIO PERSON

(perplexed/unbelieving)

Ah Daniel, this is a live six am radio show, you're telling me you had time to go to a doctor before this interview?

Long awkward silence.

DANIEL

Let's stick to the topics shall we? I'm a father, my father was a father and my father before him, 

(emotional)

but my son may never get that chance, that opportunity to be a father because drivers don't give a darn about us, and frankly it's gotta stop. There needs to be change in our system. Just because we only have two wheels doesn't make us sub-human!

RADIO PERSON

I'm not trying to belittle you or trivialize your concerns but let's face it, you've gotten a boatload of tax-payer money to pay for your cause -  extra-wide color coded bike lanes, specialized cone patterns and even a bike to work day.

DANIEL

That's a start but we have a long way to go Randell, a long long way. 

RADIO PERSON

What exactly do you feel you're being short-changed on? How are you and your group being neglected?

DANIEL

(sassy)

We don't have freeway access do we? How about bike pool lanes or drive-through access.

RADIO PERSON

Okay the first two are downright dangerous, the drive-through access I don't quite understand, you mean like for fast food?

DANIEL

Yes Randell that's exactly what I mean! I tried to order a Whopper combo in the drive-through the other day, no-go, they refused to take my order, just because I was on a bike!

DANIEL

Oh, and try cashing a government check at the drive-through without a car. It's a clear case of flagrant  discrimination. Now I know how people of color feel.

RADIO PERSON

Okay now that's ridiculous--

DANIEL

It's an easy fix though Randell, just give us our own drive-through window.

RADIO PERSON

A drive-through for bikes?

DANIEL

Yes, at every fast food establishment in California, banks too. I'm not speaking just for bikers but for the entire BSBSRSR group.

RADIO PERSON

I'm sorry I don't know what BSBSRSR is.

DANIEL

BSBSRSR stands for Bikers, skate boarders, segway riders, scooters and rollerbladers. As a matter of fact we're pushing for a national holiday. Each of us should have our own holiday - Bikers, skate boarders segway riders, scooters and rollerbladers.

(beat)

And eventually unicycles.

RADIO PERSON

Wow that's a tall order, you think you even have a chance of getting something like this accomplished?

DANIEL

Yes I do. I just happen to be running for California Senator! Vote for me, Daniel Humphreys...!

RADIO PERSON

(under breath)

Hell no.

DANIEL

...and don't forget to buy my book "Street Cred!" Sorry I gotta go, my Uber is here. Thanks for having me on your show Randell.

PHONE CLICK

RADIO PERSON

That was Daniel Humphreys, bike activist, political candidate and nut-job extraordinaire. 

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

RADIO PERSON

On our next show we'll be talking to Goat Yoga expert Yolanda Fleetus who promises to take exercise to the next level with Monkey Zumba. I'm Randell J. Jones, catch you next time here on KPLXRD, your home for sports, whether, traffic, and nonsense. 

FADE OUT.