Skitz-O-Phonics

Mr. Smith & the Wolverbear

August 06, 2021 eArL (E.J.) Hamilton Season 1 Episode 7
Skitz-O-Phonics
Mr. Smith & the Wolverbear
Show Notes Transcript

Mr. Smith tells the kids one of his most famous stories, battling the rarely-seen Wolverbear.
(Voice talents:  Ojinga Sims. Zaylah Stewart.  Amina Troupe.  Zanyiah Stewart.  Zakiyyah Saleem.  Janice Island.  Amir Byrd)

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EXT. HOUSE PORCH - NIGHT

An old man who sits in his rocking chair surrounded by small children. He's got wisdom embedded in his face, pain and hardships on his hands, this is MR. Smith (80's).

MR. SMITH

...And that was three hundred years ago!

The children laugh. Parents are nearby sipping on drinks and watching.

PARENT #1

That Mr. Smith sure has a way with those kids doesn't he?

PARENT #2

Sure does. I'm beginning to believe they don't have sleeping problems at all.

PARENT #1

I'm not gonna lie, I probably enjoy it as much as the kids.

PARENT #2

Especially when you've got a little smooth-aid in your glass.

The parents chuckle.

WINE GLASSES CLINK

CHILD #1

So how'd you got that scar on your face Mr. Smith?

MR. SMITH

Well I could tell ya but I don't know how interesting it'll be for kids your age, unless the rest of you wanna hear it.

The kids cheer.

MR. SMITH

Alright alright I'll tell ya.

The kids gather around Mr. Smith as he rocks back and forth in his rocking chair.

MR. SMITH

I got this scar a long long time ago, before you or your parents were even born.

CHILD #2

Did you fall?

CHILD #3

Were you in a fight?

MR. SMITH

Oh I was in a fight alright, the fight of my life, with a real live 

Wolverbear.

ANIMAL ROAR

CHILD #4

What's a Wolverbear?

MR. SMITH

You never heard of a wolverbear before?

The kids reply no.

MR. SMITH

Well a wolverbear is exactly how it sounds, it's half Wolverine half bear, and let me tell you, its one of the meanest animal I've ever laid eyes on. Big, mean, scary and mean.

CHILD #5

You said mean twice.

MR. SMITH

Because it was twice as mean as any animal I've ever encountered At this point in my life.

CHILD #1

So what happened?

MR. SMITH

It all started one Sunday afternoon when I was out fishing in the glacier stream of Kentucky. I like to fish alone, it's the only time I get to my self, it's so peaceful, nobody to tell you what to do or how to do it, just me, my fishing pole and mother nature. But I hadn't had a bite all day. 

CHILD #2

So then what happened?

MR. SMITH

Well I like to live off the land but I knew if I didn't catch a fish or two, I'd be eating berries and grub.

CHILD #3

What's grub?

MR. SMITH

Food I always bring along just in case I don't catch anything, chips, cupcakes, ham sandwiches, you know, grub.

CHILD #4

So what happened next?

MR. SMITH

Well just when I was about to give up, just when I thought my luck couldn't get any worse, I get a tug on my line. The pole begins to bend like crazy.

CHILD #5

It was a big fish!

MR. SMITH

That's what I hoped, but whatever it was I knew if I landed it I'd be eating for months, maybe even the whole year. I fought with it for three hours straight. I tried to real it in but it was too strong, stronger than me and my pole. It breaks. 

POLE BREAK

MR. SMITH

I dive in after the broken rod and grab it. 

WATER SPLASH

MR. SMITH

I wrap the line and the pole around by waist and begin to back up. The line begins to cut into my midsection, 

The kids Gasp.

MR. SMITH

But I was determined to pull it in, whatever it was.

CHILD #1

Was it a fish!

CHILD #2

Was it a jackal?

CHILD #3

No stupid, it was a Wolverbear.

MR. SMITH

It sure was. I gave one last pull and out of the water came the ugliest creature I've ever seen in my life.

WATER SPLASH

ANIMAL GROWLING

MR. SMITH

Teeth big and sharp, claws long and... dirty.

CHILD #4

Did it eat you?

MR. SMITH

It tried.

CHILD #5

Did you call 911?

MR. SMITH

Didn't have time.

CHILD #1

Did you run?

MR. SMITH

No, that's what it wanted me to do. I could tell by it's big ears it was smart so I knew I had to be smarter.

CHILD #2

Did you climb a tree?

CHILD #3

Did you play dead?

MR. SMITH

No, I tried both of those before on a hungry cheetah and believe me it wasn't a good idea, but that's another story.

CHILD #4

So what did you do?

MR. SMITH

The first thing I did was grab my utility knife and cut that blasted line from around my waist, but the tension was so tight the wolverbear falls backwards into the stream.

BIG WATER SPLASH

CHILD #5

Did he float down the river?

CHILD #1

And that's how you got away?

MR. SMITH

No. That was just the beginning, falling into that river just made him angrier. He let out a ferocious roar so intense I could feel the heat from his breath at fifty paces.

ANIMAL ROAR

MR. SMITH

It smelled like death. He knew I was scared and that was his advantage, not only that but I didn't have a plan at the moment. 

But I knew I'd better make one quick, so I made a run for my truck. I made it inside and rolled the windows up.

CHILD #2

And that's how you got away?

MR. SMITH

Well I put the pedal to the metal and started to drive away. 

TRUCK ENGINE ACCELERATION/DRIVING

MR. SMITH

All of a sudden the top of my truck gets ripped off and I have myself a homemade moon roof at no extra charge. 

METAL TEARING

MR. SMITH

I look up and this wolverbear staring down at me and he's drooling like crazy. He drools right into my eyes, my eyes burn so bad I loose control and hit a tree.

CHILD #3

So you died?

MR. SMITH

I would have if I hadn't been ejected out that new moon roof. 

All the children "Ahhh."

CHILD #4

What happened to the wolverbear?

MR. SMITH

Well I look back and see the entire truck blows up.

EXPLOSION

MR. SMITH


The flames were so high and intense I figured it engulfed the wolverbear, but that wasn't the case. Somehow someway he emerged from that fiery inferno, smoldering and slobbering and mad as a hive of hornets. 

HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

MR. SMITH

His yellow light up like the morning sun, his claws seem to grow with every step, heading straight for me. 

All children GASPS.

CHILD #5

Did he eat you?

MR. SMITH

No. But I knew I had to think of something or he would. Lucky for me I grabbed my tire iron as I was being ejected from the truck.

CHILD #1

Did you hit the wolverbear in the knee caps?

MR. SMITH

No, I knew that wouldn't stop him, so I turned to the tree behind me, jumped up and swung that tire iron as hard as I could.

HARD WOOD HIT

CHILD #2

Did cocoa nuts fall on his head?

MR. SMITH

No. I hit that tree so hard a dozen splinters from that tree shot out and hit him right in the face.

All children GASPS.

CHILD #3

Splinters can't take down a wolverbear.

MR. SMITH

You're absolutely right, but riding on those splinters were rare flesh-eating termites. 

The kids "Oooh."

MR. SMITH

And that's what drove the wolverbear off, never to be seen again.

Children and parents APPLAUD.

MR. SMITH

Well that's the end of that little story. Hope I didn't scare ya.

ALL CHILDREN

Nooooo.

MR. SMITH

You know I defeated that old wolverbear using calculus so let that be a lesson to you and study hard in school.

ALL CHILDREN

We will.

CHILD #4

How about another story?

MR. SMITH

Right now I see a lot of saggy eyelids, and judging by the moon and the stars up there I'd say it's your bedtime.

The children "Awe."

MR. SMITH

Believe me, I love entertaining you, hearing a child's laughter is like music to my soul. Yeah soul music. 

(chuckles)

I'll tell you a story next time as long as you make me a promise. You have to promise me you'll listen to your parents, apply yourselves in school and stay away from drugs and bad people.

ALL CHILDREN

We promise. 

MR. SMITH

(happy)

Well alright, looks like we have a deal. 

Mr. Smith laughs.

FADE OUT.