Skitz-O-Phonics

Vote for me!

August 14, 2021 eArL (E.J.) Hamilton Season 1 Episode 15
Skitz-O-Phonics
Vote for me!
Show Notes Transcript

A gorgeous woman runs for Mayor of Klondike.
(Voice talent:  Zakiyyah Saleem)

Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/9F3fXjY)

 FADE IN:

INT. TV - DAY

POLITICIAN

Hello, my name is Sandra Ellingsworth and I'm the prefect candidate for Mayor of Klondike.

SOFT MUSIC

POLITICIAN

Don't vote for me because I'm beautiful, and don't vote for me because I'm an animal-loving tree-hugging vegan. Vote for me because I'm a true patriot to my country, a retired teacher part-time wife and full-time mother who's dedicated to the city of Klondike. I simply won't stop until the job is done. If I can overcome a heroin addiction and long-time alcohol abuse, being your Mayor should be a piece of cake. 

HARSH MUSIC

POLITICIAN

My opponent Jeff McBride on the other hand is a filthy con-man who's short, he's like five foot six and has never had to overcome any adversities in life thanks to his rich daddy in Washington. He claims he'll fix the homeless problem 

(mocking with baby-talk)

and make sure we have clean air and clean water. But we all know that's baby-talk.

(normal voice)

He's nothing more than a carnivorous polygamist who doesn't even own a pet. Is that the kind of representation we want for Klondike? I think not.

SOFT MUSIC

POLITICIAN

You deserve a qualified leader like myself, a very attractive woman who hears your voices and understands your concerns. If elected I will get rid of taxes forever and fix every last pothole in the city. I'll make sure your diseases are cured your bicycle lanes wider. I'll stand and fight with the people of Klondike to make sure you hold on to your constitutional rights, and not just for normal people but for Chicanos, immigrants and urban Negros as well. So don't forget to vote for me, Sandra Ellingsworth as your next Mayor. Thank you for your time and I'll see you at the polls.

VOICE OVER

This has been a paid advertisement for the Sandra Ellingsworth campaign for Mayor. No animals or minorities were harmed in the making of this commercial.

We can hear her drinking and talking in the background.

POLITICIAN (V.O.)

(slurring her words)

Man I nailed it. Sounded completely sober 

(belches)

right? 

FADE OUT.